Recent Blog Posts

Can No-Fault Divorces Win In New York?

Demetria Graves — Tue, 15 May 2012 15:04:00 GMT

The last state to allow them is facing an uphill battle to reform

In 2010, the state of New York became the last to pass a law permitting No-Fault Divorces, the type that allows couples to dissolve a marriage that is "irrevocably damaged" with no fault going to either party. The benefit of having these types of divorces are two-fold: the emotional baggage that comes with blaming or being blamed for the divorce is gone and the cases that would clog up the court system are now gone. In the two years since its passage, however, some judges have decided that they would be final word on whether or not no parties are to blame, even though the soon-to-be-exes have only asked for what the law has sanctioned.

In an effort to create a common standard across the state, Long Island's Assemblyman Brian Curran, himself a lawyer, has decided to draft new legislation to make sure everyone has the opportunity to take advantage of at least a non-jury trial. However, lawyers across the state have cried out that it doesn't go far enough. For them to be appeased these (mostly) divorce lawyers want to see judges taken out of the equation all together when it comes to No-Fault Divorces, believing them to be a hindrance more than anything when it comes down to these types of divorces.

They also want to change a statute that prevents judges (if they were to stay in the equation) to grant divorces until all the financial and custody issues have been resolved. That would leave the door open for cases that take years to iron out, only to find out that the judge won't grant the divorce. The goal, all of them say, is to make a divorce a lot less painful than the stressful situation that got them there to being with.

Equality Comes To Alimony

Demetria Graves — Tue, 15 May 2012 15:03:00 GMT

Women are catching up to men in having to pay up

While women are still trying to catch up to men in terms of equal pay, there is a number they are making full strides in: the amount of ex-spouses who have to pony up alimony and child support payments to their former partners.

A recent study from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyer shows that 56-percent of divorce lawyers respond in the affirmative when asked if they've seen such an increase. The president-elect of the AAML, Alton Abramowitz, notes that this is just way this type of evolution works.

"The glass ceiling has been pierced and more and more women have taken over the financial responsibilities and have been saddled with them as well. It is a fact of the way our society has evolved over the last number of years."

Indeed, with women now almost equal with men in terms of receiving medical degrees, and doubling the amount of law degrees over the past 30 years, there are far more households where the ladies are the major breadwinner. However, just because they are catching up doesn't mean they feel happy to be leveling the playing field in divorce court.

"We see women who are every bit as angry as their male counterparts, maybe more so, when they are confronted with the concept of paying spousal support to a man," said Abramowitz.

Israeli Woman Jailed For Denying Divorce

Demetria Graves — Tue, 15 May 2012 15:02:00 GMT

Man says she's using the law to blackmail him

In another post this week, we discussed the No-Fault Divorce. However in Israel, a woman is facing the polar opposite of that idea of an amicable dissolution of marriage. The woman, whose name is being withheld, is now in jail because for the past 16 years, the 60-year-old has denied granting her husband a divorce because she felt the ruling handed down by the Jerusalem Rabbinical Court in their 2001 case was unfair to her. Now, the court has decided to change her mind with extreme measures.

The hope-to-be-ex-husband of the woman has claimed his currently jailed wife is holding off allowing the divorce to go through until she is granted a $1.5 million house in central Israel. Her resolution is strong considering the court has also taken away her driver's license and prevented her from leaving the country.

The history and paper trail of the trial has been long and hard-fought. The divorce, which originally was petitioned for in 1996, was granted in 2001 after the woman didn't budge from any offers of resolution the husband sent her way. Of course, then she became enraged when the court decided the way the assets were to be divided.

She continued to deny the divorce, which sent the case all the way to the rabbinical court, which would eventually decree the divorce granted, a rare decision that the woman still did not recognize. They even offered to hear her demands, but she never responded to the request, which sent the court over the edge, eventually demanding her jailing. She now has to wait until July to make her case to be released and at that time, hopefully, she will try to settle this case amicably before being sent to jail again.

Be Prepared

Demetria Graves — Tue, 08 May 2012 04:14:00 GMT

The financial fallout from divorce doesn't have to be disastrous

One of the few things The Boy Scouts and divorce have in common is the phrase "Be Prepared." For the Scouts, their motto is a call for enlightenment in their young members. For soon to be ex-spouses, it's a call to take a realistic look of what to expect in their soon-to-be emotional detachment. One of the most obvious places to take this kind of inventory is the financial situation your marriage is in. Here are a few tips to help you do that.

What do you want? Take a look at what assets you'll be dividing and how it will affect your life. Of course, I always suggest trying to talk things out in relation to this before getting to the negotiating table, and sometimes the answer to "Who gets the house" can be only answered by a mediator. But if you decide they can have the car, it's one less thing to haggle over. That will make the experience go a lot smoother and less contentious.

Don't forget the details. Did you forget that you had a random 401K floating around from a job you left eight years ago and didn't roll over? Or did you try to hide that. These are the things that you need to assess when you're bringing the assets to the table. In terms of debts, it's a good idea to run a credit check for both parties to see what debts are outstanding, especially if you hadn't in a while. There's no need to blow up at during negotiations when you find out that Best Buy card you thought your spouse was paying off wasn't.

Be realistic about life. You are about to embark on a new life journey, so be prepared for that. Make sure you are able to sustain your lifestyle with your newly single life… and single income. Track your expenditures and find out if you need to cut expenditures, or get additional income. Don't let your past become your enemy for the foreseeable future.

Can I Use A Mediator?

Demetria Graves — Tue, 08 May 2012 04:14:00 GMT

Not all divorces need attorneys, but make sure you fall into that category

While I believe the services I provide are helpful to my clients in reaching resolution, once and a while there are cases that I believe can be handled out of court or a lawyer's office. These cases are done with the help of a mediator, someone who acts as sort of an umpire while you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse sort through your assets and demands. Using a mediator is usually regarded as a lower-cost way to handle a divorce, along with doing it yourself. However, while this might seem the right way to go, there are a few types of people who I would suggest not taking this route.

Pushovers If you are the type of person who caves in to demands easily, this is not the way to go. If you have even an iota of this type of personality in you, I suggest going the lawyer route, someone who will fight for you.

Couples who hate each other If you and your spouse can't stand talking to each other, how are you going to negotiate face-to-face without a fight breaking out? This is a prime situation where having someone going to bat for you is ideal and probably most conducive to getting things done.

If you are concerned your spouse is unpredictable If you have assets that you believe are at risk, or children that you believe could be taken away at a moment's notice, then you need a lawyer. A lawyer knows the law that can prevent your spouse from illegally selling your goods or disappearing with your kids.

If you just don't trust your spouse Think your spouse is hiding something from you like assets or something that can look poorly upon him in the court of law? Then that's not a time for a mediator, that's a scenario where a lawyer's ability to research and demand those hidden gems to be handed over comes into play.

When It's Over, It's Over

Demetria Graves — Tue, 08 May 2012 04:11:00 GMT

Remember that divorce settlements are written in stone

Divorce is a tricky water to navigate. There are various threads of emotion going on that deal with love, loss and fear of the future that make dealing with the barebones of the proceedings—the paperwork, the negotiations, etc.—hard to deal with. That's why I preach patience with every case, and that each of my clients has a clear head when they sign the final paperwork because there is no going back to amend anything.

A perfect example of this played out in a New York Courtroom recently. The divorce of Steven Simkin and Laura Blank riveted the Big Apple legal world because of its ties to the Ponzi-Scheme baron Bernie Madoff. However, the two finalized divorce proceedings in 2006—what brought their case back into the limelight? When the duo split, they divvied up the $13 million in assets the couple shared. However, Blank decided to take cash and property while Simkin chose to keep the investments worth at the time around $7 million. Unfortunately for him, those investments were with Madoff, whose investment group was defrauding its investors.

In no short time, Simkin had been left with nothing. So he decided to man up and… re-sue his ex-wife to compensate him for his losses. Basically his ice cream fell on the ground and he wanted Blank to split hers with him. Uh, not so fast—after first being rebuffed in court in 2008, Simkin decided to try again and a New York appellate court decided to hear the case.

Last week, however, Simkin was finally put out of his misery as the New York Court of Appeals decided that just because all his assets lost their value, he had no grounds to take what Blank had legally taken away from the marriage. According to Judge Victoria A. Graffeo,

"This situation, however sympathetic, is more akin to a martial asset that unexpectedly loses value after dissolution of a marriage. The asset had value at the time of the settlement but the purported value did not remain consistent…"

So keep this in mind if and when you're dividing property with your soon-to-be-ex. Your Beanie Baby or baseball card collection could be worth a bunch now, but it's probably wisest to take some assured assets as well at the end of the day.

Can A QDRO Make Your Divorce A Little Bit Smoother?

Demetria Graves — Tue, 01 May 2012 19:40:00 GMT

Learn how these court-issued judgments can hurt or help you

While you're going through a divorce, it's not the best time to have unknown acronyms being thrown your way. It's one of the most emotional times in your life, so it's best to be prepared for anything that could affect your life after marriage. That's why I'd like to talk about the Qualified Domestic Relations Order, or QDRO.

The QDRO is a court-issued judgment that specifically targets retirement accounts. Basically, it makes your 401K, 403B or any other type of post-employment fund up for grabs during a divorce hearing. This "property-settlement agreement" can be used to settle child support discrepancies, or alimony payments. In some states, it's considered community property, so it will cut your payments automatically in half. It will legally allow someone other than the primary source of the account's funder collect when it's time to pay out. However, according to the law, there are limits to who can collect—alternate payees can't be anyone other than a spouse, former spouse, child, or other dependent of a participant.

While a "state authority" i.e., a court, needs to sign off on a QDRO, plenty of the paperwork can be drafted without the court's oversight. Ideally a lawyer such as myself is involved, but the main points that need to be entered into the document include the following:

-The name and last known mailing address of the participant and each alternate payee
-The name of each plan to which the order applies
-The dollar amount or percentage (or the method of determining the amount or percentage) of the benefit to be paid to the alternate payee
-The number of payments or time period to which the order applies

If you believe that a Qualified Domestic Relations Order can help your case, please feel free to call me at (818) 649-7559 to further discuss drafting a QDRO and your case.

Divorce Has No Age Limit

Demetria Graves — Tue, 01 May 2012 19:40:00 GMT

Paper shows a rise in divorces among older Americans

You've heard the term gay divorcee, but now it's time that the gray divorcee gets their moment in the spotlight. That's because in the 20 years between 1990 and 2009, the divorce rate doubled among couples who were between the ages of 50 and 64.

Thanks to Bowling State University researcher Susan Brown and her paper, "The Gray Divorce Revolution: Rising Divorce among Middle-aged and Older Adults, 1990-2009", we know that the rising divorce rate showed no slowing down as her data timeline stopped. One in every four divorces in American during the study's last year—2009—were in this age group. And on top of that, it seems that the brides were the side to initiate the break-up. If you delve even further into the statistics, you'll find that many of these divorces were second and third marriages.

What is bringing on these older couples to the end of the line in their marriages? According to Professor of Psychiatry at LSU Health Sciences Center Dr. Martin Drell, a lot of it has to do with the attitudes changing over time—specifically the era during these marriages. Just the loss of stigma that divorce now has probably contributed to a majority of the divorces between first-time couples.

However, in the divorces of people wed for the second or third time—which number of which eclipse their first time counterparts by two-and-a-half times—attitudes toward the single woman after a certain age no longer carries with it a social burden is a major reason that those break-ups happen.

What Comes First: Bankruptcy Or Divorce

Demetria Graves — Tue, 01 May 2012 19:38:00 GMT

Try to save some headaches with our tips

Sometimes, when it's beneficial to both parties, one or both parties of a divorcing couple will file for bankruptcy. These are obviously life-changing and very stressful situations on their own, let alone together when emotions are being tested at double capacity. So let's talk about which should come first—the divorce of the bankruptcy.

In most cases—but not all—it's best to file for divorce before bankruptcy for two major reasons. First, a divorce separates the assets like cars and homes, which means you don't have to make payments for your ex-spouse's jet ski.

Secondly, if you go into the proceedings with two incomes, you will more likely than not be unable to file for a Chapter 7 bankruptcy because your income will be to high. Chapter 7 bankruptcies are key because they allow the filer to discharge most of your debts. To figure out if you are eligible, either as a couple or by yourself, it's pretty simple. If your current monthly income is less than the median income for a household of your size in your state, then you are eligible. Divorcing beforehand makes that more of a possibility.

This leads us to the Chapter 13 filing, which is a repayment-based bankruptcy. This is the type of bankruptcy you don't want to get into because it could last up to five years, and more importantly if you don't divorce beforehand, your ex-spouse could be attached to that!

Of course, there are times when bankruptcies are recommended to kick things off. If you're in this situation, facing a divorce and bankruptcy at the same time, feel free to give my office a call at (818) 649-7559 to further discuss this or any other related issues.

Military Divorces On The Rise

Demetria Graves — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 17:39:00 GMT

Multiple deployments are making it tough on the home front

Since the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan began in 2001, their tolls on families go beyond the sad tales of those who died fighting for their country. Since the beginning of these conflicts, 42% of military couples have divorced. That is why two non-profit groups—FamilyLife and Military Ministry—are trying to help lower that number.

One of the main indicators that red flag these divorces are when service men and women are deployed multiple times. When troops return home, civilians think 'OK, that's it. It's over.' But that's not true," said Valerie Gaff, a former Air Force senior airman and wife of Air Force Master Sergeant Todd Gaff. "The stress on our marriage of 13 deployments since 9/11 has been immeasurable."

According to a study done by Oklahoma State University, the chances of a military marriage ending in divorce gets higher every time the solider gets deployed. And once they're back, a laundry list of issues await them and their spouse to deal with—post-traumatic stress disorder, injuries, unemployment, re-deployment among others. That is where the non-profit's The Art of Marriage Ops campaign comes in.

The movement is hoping to help these couples in need of reconciliation through a day-and-a-half video event. Their focus is on telling real-life stories that many in their audience can relate to, and trying to show them the way to sidestep them. According to the group, it's already helped more than 100,000 couples get through their difficulties and rekindle their marriage. While the numbers are staggering, it is a great service they offer to those whose job it is to serve our country so they can come back to it just like they left it.

The Argument Against Arguing

Demetria Graves — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 17:39:00 GMT

In the arena of divorce, it is better to let cooler heads prevail

There's really no way to get around the fact that a divorce is, by definition, a traumatic experience. The breaking up of a relationship once thought to be perfect (at least at some point, and in some capacity) can carry a heavy burden on those going through it. However, while the situation is bad, there is something that always arises that makes the situation worse and can be avoided, or at least quelled, from the get-go: arguing.

Now, divorce is a conflict, plain and simple. But the idea of cooler heads prevailing isn't only for a lawyer like me to keep both sides talking. It is the best way to make a compromise come about because rarely does a fair negotiation come as the result of two people arguing and yelling. The best way for me to do that is explain how to make perspective the key to making the best out a bad situation.

When you are arguing about anything with anyone, you are only doing harm to your stake in the matter. The person you're yelling at is too busy trying to dig his or her heels in or dodging the barbs you're sending their way to try to listen to your side. Before you begin your assault, try thinking about how you would react if someone would try shove their point of view down your throat. It wouldn't be very pleasant—or conducive to settling business—now would it?

Also, from the moment the divorce button has been pushed in your relationship, your mind has been frozen about what you want or think you deserve from the end game. You know what? Your soon-to-be-ex-partner thinks the same way. Screaming and yelling about finances and the kids isn't going to break them out of that. So why not talk calmly and rationally about the situation and see if there is any leeway that can be had on either end. Like I said earlier, this is a negotiation, but besides money, many memories are what's at stake. There's no need to make a bad situation carry even more dire consequences that is already will.

Making College Work For The Children Of Divorced Couples

Demetria Graves — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 17:37:00 GMT

A few tips to make the dream of college more accessible

When married couples bring a child into the world, its blank slate lets their imaginations run wild. Will he be a lawyer? Will she be an architect? However, when those children's parents divorce, those dreams might disappear without proper guidance. Here are a few tips that can help divorced couples who hope to send their kids to college make it less taxing on both sides.

1. Federal financial aid will look at the parent the child lived with the year before they begin applying for schools. To make this work in your favor, make sure the parent with the lower income of the two have the primary custody during that timeframe. That way, the child can be eligible for more financial aid options.

2. Don't hide anything in your financial disclosures. Being coy about your finances when it's time to disclose them can lead to delays in processing if something comes up, possibly eliminating applicants from various forms of aid.

3. In your divorce, spell college prep expenditures out. Whether it's prep courses or tuition, how they'll be paid for shouldn't be on your kid's list of things to worry about. They have enough to think about (like actually studying!), so when divorce filings are being written up, make sure a list of these items and who's paying for them (or being split) is on there,

4. Lastly, if one of the parents should pass before the child is in college, make sure that the divorce spells out on paper how life or disability insurance will pay out for their educational future. It's a morbid thought, but it's better to have all your bases covered in the future than allowing bad feelings now hurt those dreams of lawyers and architects in the family come true.

Marc Anthony Pleads To Stay With J-Lo

Demetria Graves — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 14:47:00 GMT

Singer tries to talk now-future ex-wife out of divorce

They've traveled across the Americas producing and promoting their show Q'Viva!, but apparently that wasn't enough to save Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez from their divorce that was announced last July. However, it's not like one of them didn't at least try to save the nuptials.

According to sources cited by TMZ, Anthony had a heart-to-heart with the American Idol star, but it was to no avail. Nine months of separation between them, and Lopez' subsequent relationship with now-boyfriend Caspar Smart, was too much for them to get back together. Reports were that Anthony was 'blindsided' by the news, never thinking her relationship with the dancer was so serious. It's reported that the failed attempt at reconciliation is why the singer filed divorce papers this week in California.

Tiki Barber Postpones Wedding Due To Divorce

Demetria Graves — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 14:46:00 GMT

Former NFL star's divorce from previous wife not done yet

Well, this is awkward. A month before former NFL star running back Tiki Barber was set to tie the knot fiancée Traci Lynn Johnson in a fancy Hamptons wedding hosted by New York City nightlife impresario Eugene Remm, the proceedings have hit a bit of a snag. It turns out Barber's divorce to his soon-to-be-ex Ginny Cha won't be finalized by then.

The former couple had been arguing about child support and alimony payments, which Barber said he couldn't pay for. In the crosshairs are the couple's four children, including the twins Cha was eight-months pregnant with when the former Giant left her for Johnson, then an intern for the same network Barber was working for—NBC. Since then, it has only gotten worse for Barber—The Today Show, where he had been working, did not renew his contract and his attempt at a comeback was short-lived. That's why it was only early this month that the alimony and child support situation was ironed out, and thus the divorce allowed to proceed. According to sources cited by The New York Post, Cha will receive less than the $150,000 she asked for when the couple originally split.

Unfortunately for the couple, the earliest the split could officially occur would be some time in the next couple of months, leaving for what the new couple hopes is an "early summer" wedding. For Barber's sake, let's hope those deposits are transferrable.

Tougher Divorces In Alabamans Futures?

Demetria Graves — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 14:45:00 GMT

State Senator seeks to pass bill to offer covenant marriages

Alabama, and the American South in general, has the highest divorce rates in the country. According to the US Census Bureau, in 2009, 12.7 of every 1,000 Alabaman men 15 and older divorced. The national rate was 9.2 per 1,000. About 14 of every 1,000 women divorced, compared to a national rate of 9.7. These are the numbers that State Senator Phil Williams wants to curb with a bill he introduced in the state senate that would make covenant marriages an option to future betrothed.

A covenant marriage is a pact that a couple signs where they agree to go to pre-marital counseling and agree to a limited set of grounds for divorce. A spouse could ask a judge to grant a divorce without first seeking counseling if there is proof the other spouse had committed adultery, abused the filing spouse or their children, committed a felony or had left the family home for more than a year and refused to return.

Such a law is already in the books in Louisiana, and the statistics already show a decrease in divorce among those married with the pact—although, those numbers just follow the overall trend of divorce numbers going down in the state. However, it may have been exactly the type of traction Williams needed—the bill passed the Senate Judiciary Committee with a vote of 5-1, which leads it to the senate floor to be voted on.

However, many people aren't thrilled that this law could be passed, including Birmingham-area State Senator Linda Coleman. When asked why, Coleman said she feared couples would agree to the pact even though it isn't mandatory, only an option. She also called the bill an overreach by the government into the lives of citizens.