It's a divorce—rocking the boat is OK
Not all divorces have to be a metaphorical bare-knuckle brawl to find out who gets the fancy dinnerware you cherished as a wedding gift. Sometimes two rational people decide that their hearts aren't in the marriage anymore, and that's it. However, that's not a sign to just roll over when the property is getting divided up.
One of the worst things you can do is throw your hands up and be too friendly with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse just to get it over with. Here are a few points to maximize your interests in a divorce, even when you want to have a fair 50-50 split (which, in reality, never happens).
The Kids While this will obviously be one of the more important topics broached, remember it's not just about the kids…things you forget even involve them (like taxes) come into play. When figuring out where the children will spend most of their time, remember the selected place will have the luxury of writing the kids off as a deductible at the end of the year.
Know Your Finances Some relationships are set up where one side takes care of the finances. However, if you're in the process of getting divorced, find out where both of you stand. Some people don't even know how much their mortgage is, especially with the twists and turns the market has gone through over the past few years. There's no point of keeping the house if you can't afford to.
Getting Help Don't fall into the trap of having your best friend mediate your divorce because you think he'll provide the fairest deal. You will need to get lawyers involved when things like kids, taxes and alimony come into play. Every state is different when it comes to hashing the particulars out, so leaving it up to a book that might be out of date or "something you find on the internet" is not the way to go.
Explaining The Situation When you do get help on your side, and you want to make things as amicable as possible, then tell your lawyer that. Most in the profession have the mindset of creating an outcome that maximizes their client's welfare. However, if you don't want to take your ex for everything they've got, make sure that's clear from your first meeting.