Suburgatory star Jane Levy had a secret marriage to fellow actor Jaime Freitas. How often in this age of social media does that happen? Well, how the public found out was in the worse case scenario — Levey divorced Freitas only eight months after their nuptials. However, the quickie marriage sparked a conversation on social media and other outlets leading people to ask how can couple go from believing marriage is a good option to wanting a divorce in less than a year?
Terri Orbuch, a therapist and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship, believes she has an answer. Speaking to the Huffington Post, she says that the main reason most marriages end quickly is because one side of the equation believes that whatever issues they had would be over soon after they marry. Often, that's not the case.
"They think, once things settle down, once he gets a job or we live together, things will change. He will not do this or that. She will be different," Orbuch told the Huffington Post. "They assume the problems they're having are a result of them not living together, the stress of planning a wedding, or not being settled or fully committed yet, when it's the core relationship between the two people that's the problem."
The popular site Reddit took it one step further and asked its users who were married less than 12 months to share stories about why it all ended so quickly. Most were obviously sad, but a key point was that their past history with family had a lot to do with getting married. Here's a sampling:
• "We were together for four years. I had reservations but due in part to some past issues with my family, I went ahead and married him. He was all I really had and I relied on him too much. When I wanted to wait (he was seven years my senior) to marry, he told me how much he loved me, and how it would work because we belonged together. I believed him because I loved him. Six months in, he cheated."
• "I married him because I felt so happy to be part of a big loving family since my own is deeply dysfunctional and abusive, and I've mostly cut them off. He had been saving for years to buy a home before we met and was happy that an extra income would get him to that goal sooner. We agreed to start trying for a baby about six months after the wedding -- nevermind that he didn't have sex with me anyway or care about fulfilling my needs in that department in other ways."
• "Our problem was an underlying incompatibility that I wasn't fully aware of until later. I'm not overly affectionate and she very much needed that. Every time our relationship would get to a point where she was ready to make a split, we'd cross another milestone (saying 'I love you,' moving in, getting engaged, getting married) and she'd be back on cloud 9 without a worry in the world."
10 Reasons People Divorce After Less Than A Year Of Marriage (Huffington Post)
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